20 August 2011

How to get back to it...

The last time I saw my darlings was Tuesday. I dropped them off at their father's house and there were quite a few people helping to pack and load the moving truck. I had offered to help, if there was anything that needed to be done, but in reality couldn't stay much longer. I was just about to break down, when Ryan said, "let's go, Mommy."

This week has been very hard for me. I have been so down, it's not funny. I don't even know what's been really keeping me going (of course I do, it's been God Almighty, but I really don't know how He does it. I'm just glad He does). I got a chance to talk to my girls via Google Talk, but last night was so difficult.

Tonight, I'm working and I'm feeling okay. I didn't get the chance to talk to them today. I wasn't feeling well and slept all day. Tonight, I'm working (but I'll be off very soon!). I was hoping that even at work, I would get a chance to call the girls or video chat for a few minutes, but it's been so busy. I haven't even had much time to eat my bowl full of cherries.

I miss them terribly. That's an understatement. Though I miss them, I have to be sure to keep moving ahead. I've come so far. I'm still not where I want to be, but right now is where I need to be, until the next step. Currently, I'm looking at my options to figure the best way to move. Picking yourself up is not possible. There are too many people and resources to not accept help and encouragement. I'm not saying to use others, per se, but try not to get caught up in your pride.

I struggle with that. It's not so much pride, but I really don't want to be a burden on others. I have to forget that though, because if someone else needed, my help, I would want them to come to me. We should all be like that.

I need to write my goals down and the steps to take to get there. Since being shot in the heart (figuratively), I've let some things go. My appetite has gotten out of hand, my house is un-tamable, and my emotions are down more than they are up. I need to consciously and actively work to keep these things at bay, so that I don't slip into a depression. I think I may have talked about this previously... I sure did. I touched on ways to help eliminate stress. I will have to follow my own advice.