17 December 2014

Thankful For the Strength to Cry

I had started feeling tired in the middle of church on Sunday. Unusual because I had a good night's sleep Saturday. Monday, I could barely get out of bed. I had fought a fever all night and it prevailed in the morning. 102. Children's Motrin has been keeping it at bay, but only just so. A visit to the doctor and a chest xray. Pneumonia?

I really don't care what they want to call it. It's intruding!

I've been in bed since Monday evening. Keeping time with my meds. The cough is productive. Not excruciatingly painful. No sore throat (thank God! I hate sore throats). Tonight, I don't know if it was leftover sentiment from watching Little Women, but I cried. Like a baby. Only not so shrieky.

I prayed. Of course I want this to be over and done, but by God's Grace, I asked that I can be taught from this. And even if I had to endure fever for another week, that He would comfort me. Be careful what you ask for.

I swelled with emotion, thinking about why on earth would God choose to experience our sufferings. Of course, I deserve death itself, but He didn't do anything wrong. Then maybe I got a little shrieky in a whispering fashion (of course) when I realized that I even had the strength to cry.

I had been so weak these days that I really haven't been able to cry in anguish. I'm still fighting fever, but I am becoming less weak. I've been told by a few people that I look much better today (of course anything looks better than the corpse style I've been sporting as of late).

I know that meds will only do what God allows them to do. And I know that no matter what, He gets the glory. I hope that I can share that hope with you.

It's the Christmas season and we are all so busy. Busy forgetting that we have so much to be thankful for. Even the pain. We should be thankful for the pain on this side of Glory. God Himself chose to walk in my shoes and die the death meant for me so that I can be blameless in His sight and live life eternally with Him.

Thank God for the strength to cry today. It is temporary only for those whom He has called. They are the ones who bear  His name, seek to obey Him, and to share His love. The rest of the world won't get it until it's too late.